Memories Of Us
by X.Devils-Sweetheart.X
Summary: I’m glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone." Dr.Seuss. Mac visits Claire for the first time since she died.


**Ok, this is set before season one. I know my discription of Claire is slightly different to what Mac said on the show, but this is how I see her in my head. Anyhoo, the parts in italics are flash backs. As usual, I own nothing *sob*. I hope you enjoy, reviews are always welcome :D _

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_**"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, **_

_**seems like we just got started and then before you know it, **_

_**the times we had together were gone."**_

_**~Dr. Suess.**_

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Mac missed her. All the time, he missed her so damn much. There wasn't a day gone by that she hadn't haunted his thoughts. Every fibre of his being still missed her and loved her; and he knew that would never change, no matter how long she had been...gone. He closed his eyes and let the scene of how they had met play through his head.

_XXXX_

_It was early December; he remembered that clearly because Chicago had just had its first dusting of snow and he had just got back from college on Christmas break. He had been forced by his friend, Nick, to go out. It was somewhere between his four and fifth beer that a young girl walked in. Her golden hair was littered with tiny snowflakes, but still managed to frame her face perfectly. She gave him a nervous smile and headed over to a bunch of girls that Mac presumed were her friends. A couple beers later and Mac had built the courage up to talk to her. While they were talking he noticed her eyes; they were a deep shade of brown and lit up whenever she laughed of smiled. He liked that. She gave him her number, and the rest was history._

_XXXX_

"Mac, can I come in?" Stella asked knocking on his office door and pushing it open.

"You're 'sposed to wait for me to answer y'know." Mac sighed.

"You shouldn't be here. Not today" Stella told him indicating to his calendar on the wall that clearly stated that it was the eleventh day of the ninth month.

"Where else could I go?" Mac said moving the papers around on his desk.

"You could go visit her" Stella suggested. She knew that he didn't like going to 'visit' her; he never felt close enough, there was always a metal barrier between them.

"No" Mac said with a shake of his head. "It's ok. I'll stay and work. Aiden needs my help with something" he lied getting up and heading to the door, Stella grabbed him by the wrist.

"Please. Mac, I think you need to face this." She said softly. Mac sighed; he knew he couldn't beat her, but he didn't want her to see him break down. He gave her a stiff nod, and she gave him a reassuring smile in return.

_XXXX_

_Mac grinned broadly as she placed her dainty hands on his shoulders. He rested his hands on her waist. They twirled around in slow motion as both their families watched them. Mac tilted his head down and placed a light kiss on his, now, wife's lips. He knew he had to return to the marines in a week, so he intended to make the most of the time he had with her. He looked down into her eyes, the very same ones he had fallen in love with all those years ago and she looked back up into his, a smile played on her lips. Yeah, Mac Taylor had fallen hard; and suddenly, a lifetime with her didn't seem near long enough to spend with her._

_XXXX_

The cab ride was passed in silence that was only occasionally broken by the driver coughing. Mac watched the cityscape of New York pass him by. She had loved the city he thought to himself, he felt his eyes start to burn. No, he couldn't cry. He was Mac Taylor, the ex-marine, the head of New York crime lab. He felt Stella squeeze his upper arm to comfort him. Slowly the buildings seemed to blur all into one giant mass of concrete and steel. He blinked and that day returned to him.

_XXXX_

_'I love you' she sobbed the phone shaking in her hands, the smoke was overpowering her, but she needed to speak to him, to tell him one last time that she loved him. Mac could hear that she was scared. He would have given anything just to hold her. To tell her that he would protect her. But all he could do was watch helplessly as the building she was in slowly burn. He watched the smoke bellow out of the building as he held the phone tight in his hand. Everyone in the lab was silent. Mac held the phone to his ear wanting her to talk, to drabble on about anything and everything 'Mac I really love you-' the line went dead. Mac turned on his heel and ran for the door but someone had hold of his arm. He turned to see emerald eyes filled with sorrow. Why was Stella doing this? He needed to get out he needed to save the woman he loved. He tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him go. Mac flung his hands to his head and tugged at his hair, muffling his own scream with sobbing. That was the first time Stella Bonasera had ever seen Mac Taylor cry._

_XXXX_

They got out of the cab and Mac stared at where the two towers had been, he let his eyes trail down and the metal fence came into view. He had never been here once, not since that day, it hurt too much. He felt Stella gently guide him towards the steel gates. Just having her here with him gave him the strength to do this. Truth be told, after he had lost Claire, Stella had taken care of him. Watering down his drinks when all he wanted to do was drain the bottle, making sure he slept (Well she tried) and just generally making sure that he didn't self-destruct. As they reached the fence, he broke down. His body rocked with the sobs that were erupting from him and he collapsed against the fence. He felt Stella crash down beside him and she pulled him into a tight hug.

"I miss her so much" Mac sobbed.

"I know you do, it's only natural" comforted Stella.

"It hurts so much" Mac confessed, trying hard to control his sobs.

"I know it does Mac" Stella replied her own eyes starting to water. "Come on tell me about her"

She felt Mac nod; lifting his head up he cast a look out over the empty space behind them. "I remember she used to always sing 'brown eyed girl' she used to mock say that I wrote it about her." Stella saw a tear slide down his cheek but he continued. "I used to sing that back to her all the time, she used to just laugh... Oh god I miss her so much, Stell" her hand found his and she held it tight, encouraging him to speak. "I might come here more often" he looked her in the eyes. "Thank you. So, much. I owe you so much." He paused "I just can't believe it's been a year already. I've gone a year without seeing her smile, without hearing her laugh, without telling her I love her..." Stella pulled him into another hug and they sat there for awhile. Just watching people walk, getting on with their lives. She knew Mac wouldn't be ready to leave yet, and truth be told neither was she. It had been a long year but yet it felt like only yesterday that she had talked to Claire.

"At least we still have each other" Stella said holding Mac tighter. She didn't know what she'd do if she ever lost him. But she pushed that thought from her head, at this moment in time Mac needed her; and that was all that mattered.


End file.
